So NEAR Yet So Far…
He who has a why to live can bear with almost any how… - Friederich Nietzsche
I found myself losing sleep, not because im busy; I'm losing hours of my mind, little by little, in fear and anxiety. The root causes are numerous, and some I truly feel at peace to share with you. But if I can't confide in Nemo with my dark troubles, whom can I rely on? In fairness I don't trust myself much, I never have. No one is fully capable of being trusted, not even one's own self at times. But the truth is outside of NEAR I've been taking a lot of losses; lately it's dawned on me, that it's plausible to argue that I'm using my passion for this ecosystem as a balm to the irritation of my circumstances in the non-digital world...
You know, you used to be on my list of trustables, and it was a very short list, I wasn't even on it, but now, I just don't know… - Dale Gribble, “King of the Hill”
I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm doing it… I wish I knew; I'm carrying on mindlessly, convincing myself that there's light at the end of this tunnel. Despite this change to my traditional cynically defeatist attitude, I trudge forward - casting aside the things that fall apart around me - marching unto the breach. But is this admirable stoicism that would make Aurelius proud, or naive stubbornness talking me out of turning back or stopping something that clearly isn't serving me well yet? Not sure, these are just thoughts...
In less existentialist news, I've been trying to keep my attention on the progress of the CannaDAO. Though I have been inputting what I know and entering myself into their chat rooms, I have little news incoming outside of that though. But fret not, I've been lingering in there to keep my finger on the pulse of anything major. Likewise in my personal Project there's not much doing either, everyone has done their own thing in silence which I encourage and demand of myself. That being said I have been… collecting NFTs… LOTS of them.
Mostly free ones, tons of free ones. A few of my associates in my project got a little share-crazy and have all collectively lost entire tokens worth of storage space grabbing them. It is mildly amusing I admit, until my brother discovered one and dropped it on me at breakfast the next day...
"What? where? " clearly confused by my an dry flat answer.
"No… the NFT dude! " he retorts, pointing at my phone.
Yeah, it's Pimple. From Battletoads. SNES. I guess I remembered the characters name and he didn't at the time.
He explained to me that he thought this cross over artist - who made these original works of battle Toads- were pretty cool, I imagine my older sibling felt that it spoke to him somehow. Maybe it was the childhood gaming nostalgia, maybe it was the kindred nature he felt; touching base with someone -whom he despite the anonymous nature of crypto - was not so different from him. Or maybe it was the fact that he'd merge that damn amphibian with comic characters, book villains or the FREAKING CYBERDYNE SYSTEMS MODEL 101 T-800 CLASS INFILTRATION UNIT! And I'm not talking about some toad with a Governor's face on it, I mean it's got Infrared ocular implants and the reinforced coltan mandibular frame and... : ahem : I mean...
Well what I mean was, I looked over a few of them and could clearly see something of myself in it as well.
"Mortal Kombat… nice. Marvel Comics? We are VENOM…"
I took one or two. I mean… yeah, apes and clubs are great. It's my estimation that if I prattle and postulate that I want to walk a Higher Path, part of that is kinda showing love where I see love is invested. One thing I can't deny: I LOVE geek culture.
I didn't say all my losses were from outside sources, nor that they'd all be extremely painful. I also didn't say this journal entry would be so lengthy as to merit a division, but here we are. Trust me that wasn't the idea, however, my personal end of this post ran away with me. no regrets though, I and the end of my journal will see you tomorrow!
For you, Natsu. Who reminds me to walk the Path -