NEAR to Falling Asleep
You run, and you run to catch up with the sun, but it’s sinking… Racing around to come up behind you again — Pink Floyd, “Time”
Good evening Nemo,
It’s been a while, technically it’s been 10 days, 6 hours and about 22 minutes… but who’s counting right? Certainly not me, certainly not because every time I am behind on an article it looms over me like Mister X. in Resident Evil 2… yeah definitely not that. Maybe more so because possibly I’ve habitualized keeping my crypto rituals up to date as much as possible and I’ve noted whenever I fall behind to the point of nigh obsession. This means that whenever I miss a week of anything I tend to have it linger like the splinter in the lion’s paw, though in this case I hardly roar. I do grumble or roll my eyes, even if internally so but that’s neither here nor there. This week, missing my deadline went unnoticed as usual by everyone but myself. Gratefully it means I have a chance to make up for this error as I mentally kick myself for having to make up for it in the first place.
I will affirm here that it wasnt from any kind of need for more time, frankly despite giving my all to the week. I was left so battered by the duties of the day I only wished to sleep whatever spare moments I was afforded. There weren’t many loose moments mind you; however, I’m keenly cognizant of the fact that it’s likely I could have squeezed all those lemons into something of substance. I didn’t. That simple. I’ll take the metaphorical L for it. My fatigue is not an excuse I allow myself for failure, no matter how many failures rack up in the figurative abacus of my life. I truly wish to be better than my previous self more regularly, so the solution is simple: to do and be it. Over and over. And over… ad nauseam until there is no more error. No pressure, right?
Unless you’re me, and have enough noise in your head for things to become cacophonic. The din of the discord that erupts from the recesses of my less than conscious trains of thought have the talent for making a raucous concert of nonsense that seems to form a fog, a miasma that can cloud my sense of direction. It has been like this since my childhood; it appears the longer my life drags on, the more full my skull becomes and the more acoustics the noise has to reverberate from. Even now I can feel the triviality of it all resounding and blocking my direct view of what must be done in front of me. I tend to corral it all into the pen and keep it tightly secured where it belongs. As you can imagine, it’s not a perfect science.
The Green is one of the ways I tend to stay grounded. It’s one aspect of the week I try to not make excuses for. If I ever wasted my time(and yours) by enumerating them all, not only would they be meaningless drivel that satisfies no one, but I’d waste minutes I can devote to catching up with the world. Luckily for me, my routine in it isn’t extremely taxing. It is simply a matter of executing things on the right day at the right time to ensure nothing slips through the cracks. As we speak there are many tabs, though there were many more yesterday, which each requires a few minutes of focus in order to accomplish for the day before doing so again tomorrow. Repeat this until Sunday early afternoon, where it all resets and I’m prepping for Monday again. It’s pleasant to be able to at least be reliable in that without fail.
The hourglass is amazing at reminding me I’ll never be able to keep pace with it, the only thing more undefeated than the internet is life and time after all. It is patient, it never slows down, and is utterly merciless in its execution of what it wills to occur. We are the players in the stage that it orchestrates, and it passes me by as I sleep and get left in its dust. I find myself daily left staring at how much further ahead it gained while I was too weak or sleepy or lazy to carry on. I postulate I’ll have to wake up earlier than 5 AM and sleep later than 1130 to make this all come to a better place than where my pitches are landing. That or I’ll need a stronger arm, whichever is more feasible, I’m not sure right now. I’m REALLY tired…
See ya around… hopefully if I wake up.
Signed,
Woodward Forest-Lich
